How Many Cows Are You Worth?

     There are many unique aspects of Kenyan culture that continue to fascinate and confuse me.  A few weekends ago I was able to witness one of these events.  My friend and MITS staff member, Ken Atsiaya, is getting married in early November but still had to pay the bride price (dowry) for his soon to be wife, Beatrice.  So Ken invited me and Robin (another MITS staff member) to travel with him to Beatrice’s traditional family home in the Kisumu area to participate in the event and help him with the cultural subtleties. 

     Our drive, although long, was uneventful and we arrived ready to fulfill our duties in helping Ken pay for his soon-to-be bride.  On the morning of the event (Saturday), Ken woke up nervous and anxious for the upcoming ceremony.  He barely spoke that morning and ate very little at breakfast making it plain to see that he had butterflies floating around in his stomach worrying about the unknown circumstances of the event.  We quickly packed up and drove out to a small village called Akala where we were met by Beatrice’s cousin, Jackton (another MITS team member), who was there to help us in arranging the animals and to make sure we got out to their home.  We walked over to the small animal market to look over some of the cows and goats and choose a few good looking animals while we waited for Ken’s family to arrive.  I stood outside the market area and watched men bargaining, shaking hands again and again with a finger snap after every shake, until they reached an agreeable price.  After finding some agreeable animals we went back to the main road to wait on Ken’s family.  Upon their arrival, Ken’s family walked back over to the market to purchase the animals so that we could walk them out to Beatrice’s home place.  Some Ken’s family walked the animals out to Beatrice’s place while I delivered the rest by vehicle.  But all family members waited to enter the compound until the animals arrived and they could escort them into the animal pen as a group.  I also discovered that every dowry (if paid by livestock) should always include a young pair of male & female cow (which we had . . . plus some).  After escorting the animals into the livestock pen we were then invited into the home for a huge meal.  We were served ughali, stew, beef, fish, rice, pilau, chapati, lemonade and I am sure other things that I can’t remember right now.  We ate and ate until I felt like I would need to be rolled out of the house.  Ken continued to be very quiet and eat very little.  After we finished eating we stepped outside to walk off the food while the young women cleared the table and began to bring in chai, mandazi and peanuts for snacks and the last session of the event.  We returned to the house and the anxious moment had finally arrived, what Robin had described as the family interrogation.  Beatrice’s family would introduce themselves and then begin to ask questions of Ken as to why he was there and what his intentions were.  Some of Beatrice’s family stood up and introduced themselves and explained their relation to Beatrice and welcomed us to their home.  And then, some of Ken’s family stood and introduced themselves, explaining where they were from and thanked Beatrice’s family for welcoming them.  Ken’s representative (I believe it was his uncle) then stood and addressed the room and explained why we were there and also produced some envelopes from his coat pocket that he gave to different members of Beatrice’s family.  The envelopes contained differing amounts of money that was being paid to reimburse some of the costs of hosting us, to please the family members with the union of Ken and Beatrice and to also reimburse the family for skills that they trained Beatrice in and would be losing.  It was explained to me later that these gifts were very important because if a family member was not happy with their gift then they could potentially cause problems at the wedding.  Question time for Ken had finally arrived and I awaited anxiously to hear some of the questions and to witness Ken’s nervous replies.  The next thing I know someone said a prayer and then Ken was in mine and Robin’s ear, telling us it was time to go.  As we walked outside to the car I asked Robin what happened and why didn’t they ask Ken any questions.  Robin’s response was that he got off easy and that we were finished. 

     After this all day event, I still don’t feel like I have a very good handle on the dowry experience and the subtleties that take place in the cultural process.  Even though Robin and I gave Ken a hard time about his nervousness and his stark change in demeanor afterwards (totally happy and talkative) I was very thankful for him and getting through this thing.  In my experience, parts of the process were confusing, outdated and useless but that is seen only through my western perspective.  In the eyes of a Kenyan, this event is vital for community, building relationships between families and establishing the beginning of a new home. 

     I want to end by asking the question that is posed in the title of this article.  How many cows are you worth?  In the world’s eyes, we all have some estimable value based upon certain qualities that we possess.  Qualities like beauty, money, possessions, education and the like.  And the value placed upon each of these qualities depends upon the culture in which you live.  In American culture you all know how important each of these aforementioned qualities are in choosing a mate.  The same, to a varying degree, is also true of Kenyan culture.  In both cultures (and many cultures around the world) our worth is determined by our looks and what we have to offer to a potential mate.  What a blessing it is that we have a Father in heaven who sees beyond the fleshly exterior and sees what resides in the heart.  And even more, that despite our sin and struggles, he desires to be in relationship with us in spite of the darkness that we carry.  And again, that His love for us is beyond compare because not only were we the crowning moment of his creation but he cared so much for that creation that he was willing to send his one and only, unique Son to the world to die for us!  So . . . how many cows are you worth?  To God . . . the number is unending!  

     Let me finish by reminding you of Christ's love for you and how that love now manifests itself through you, by quoting a prayer of the Apostle Paul:

"When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth.  I pray that from his glo

rious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit.  Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong.  And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.  May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.  Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.  Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen" (Eph. 3:14-21).